Name: Nose jobs.
Age: The earliest known description of plastic surgery on the nose is recorded in the Edwin Smith papyrus, c1600BC.
Appearance: Smaller, straighter, more upturned. Also less popular.
Really? Less popular? That’s right. The number of rhinoplasties performed in the UK has been dropping steadily for a decade, from 4,878 in 2013 to just 1,330 last year.
Why is that? Have people finally realised that our commonly accepted standards of beauty are too narrow? Oh my, no.
You mean they’re just resigned to living with the noses they were born with? Not at all. According to the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (BAAPS), rhinoplasties are still the sixth most popular cosmetic surgery for women. The difference is that there are now other options.
Such as full-time mask-wearing? We’re talking about alternative, nonsurgical treatments, including the injection of fillers to straighten out bumpy noses.
Why would someone prefer such a procedure over a real nose job? For a start, a real nose job can cost up to £7,000. “Nonsurgical rhinoplasty” is available for less than £300.
That’s all I needed to hear. Also, surgery requires a two-night hospital stay and up to two weeks off work.
And the nonsurgical version? It takes 10 minutes, and you can go back to work the same day. The sheer convenience means it is one of the fastest growing treatments available.
In that case, why would anyone still opt for an old-fashioned nose job? Fillers can’t make a big nose smaller – you still need surgery for that. And injection treatments aren’t permanent: the effects last somewhere between six months and two years.
You mean I’d have to do it all over again? Yes, but this could also be considered an advantage. “Rhinoplasty has the highest dissatisfaction rate of any cosmetic procedure,” Rajan Uppal, a consultant plastic surgeon and member of BAAPS, told the Times.
So fillers lessen the likelihood of experiencing buyers’ remorse? Exactly. “I have seen many patients who regret the whole operation and want to go back to exactly their original nose,” said Uppal. Several celebrities have expressed regret at their rhinoplasties, in fact.
Name one. Well, the model Bella Hadid told Vogue that she regretted the surgery she underwent at the age of 14. “I wish I had kept the nose of my ancestors,” she said.
Too late. That’s just it – with a nonsurgical rhinoplasty you always have the option of going back to the old you.
What will they think of next? Tattoos that come off? They already have those.
Do say: “Give me Bella Hadid’s old nose, and quick: I’m on my lunch hour.”
Don’t say: “Nothing fancy. Just add a little ledge to help my glasses stay on.”