Name: Crispy McFillet.
Texture: Crunchy, crispy.
Ingredients: A crunchy chicken fillet, crisp lettuce …
I’m lovin’ it already! Wait, there’s more. Add to that black pepper mayonnaise with just a hint of truffle …
What the …?! Truffle? I thought we were talking Maccy Ds, not the Fat Duck? We are. The Crispy McFillet is a spring item on the McDonald’s menu, being trialled in 41 restaurants across the Midlands and nine in Ireland.
Why are they starting there? They have got to start somewhere, I guess. If it goes down well, then it will roll them out further and the rest of us will get to try what is already being referred to as a McPosh.
I would love to know what Michelle Graham-Clare – McDonald’s senior vice-president, chief marketing officer – said about it. Funny you should ask. She said [checks notes]: “We’ve taken our time to get the Crispy McFillet packed with flavour.”
She will be up for a Michelle-in star next. Ugh. No awards for the pun. We’re not done with the ingredients, though. Wait till you hear about the bun – that might win something.
What’s so special about it? The Crispy McFillet comes in a sourdough-style bun …
Noooooo! ’Fraid so.
I’m so sick of sourdough. Tell me about it!
It used to be something you got in farmers’ markets and artisan bakeries, costing about four quid for half a loaf. But then lockdown came along and every man and his brother (it’s all men) started not just making it, but posting pictures of their efforts on Instagram and Twitter. Yeah, like we care … Whoa! When I said: “Tell me about it,” I didn’t mean literally tell me about it. I meant: “I know.”
Oh, sorry. I completely understand, though. The unbearable ubiquity of sourdough, like it’s some kind of pet …
Or a baby. These people probably sleep with their loaves.
And arrived under the golden arches. Well, maybe this could be the beginning of the end. Now that it’s in McDonald’s, the sourdough bores might consider it not so desirable and will stop making it. Or posting about it, at least.
Here’s hoping. How much is a Crispy McFillet, anyway? It’s £4.19, or £5.59 for a meal. So a little more than a regular chicken Big Mac.
Do say: “That’s got to be worth it for the sourdough alone.”
Don’t say: “Instead of fries, could I get that with a Mediterranean quinoa salad, please? Regular. And the wine list …”